Tuesday, November 27, 2012

My new best friend

Since having the twins, finding ways to stay active has been a challenge to say the least!
I go to the gym 3ish times a week, which I love BUT it's a 30 minute drive (yes, I live in the middle of nowhere, by choice) and I can't justify going to the gym anymore than my usual 3 times because of gas prices. So I got to thinking...What can a mother with 3 littles do?!
I can rig my bike and take ALL three of my kiddos on bike rides to the park!!
How stinkin fun, right?!
This is my set up!

SO I did TONS of research on bike trailers that turn into joggers (because I've been running!? Have I mentioned that!?)
There are tons on the market but I needed one that could fit 2 infants and most carriers say for 1 year and up! Did you know they make special inserts for infants?
Well I had no clue until just recently! Only a few brands do! And sadly, none of them are sold at walmart or normal retail stores.
Thank goodness for Amazon Prime free shipping, right?! 

The twinkies in thieir hammock slings. Nice and snug!

The trailer that was a gift from my Grandma and Grandpa is a Croozer kid for 2
And the bike seat for Michael is a Bell Classic Child Carrier
 I'll do a review at a later date :)

Friday, November 23, 2012

Car Massage

Have you seen this picture?
Yeah i thought it was funny and a little nutty but Michael came over as I was sitting and feeding a baby on the floor and drove his car over my back (and head). It was Heavenly! That kid is awesome!

Maybe I should switch out this car rug he's getting for Christmas for that shirt ;)

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Me Time

Since having the twins, I realized very quickly that I needed "me time"
There was a lot going on after having the twins, everything just seemed to put added stress on our family and on me.
I, now, do two things to keep me sane: crochet and work out.
I started trying to learn to crochet when I was in the hospital on bed rest trying to keep the twins in and my blood pressure down.  Then my mom came after they were born and helped teach me. I got the hang of it and fell in love! I started a little business, SweetBug Boutique, and people ask me a lot "How do you have time?!"
Honestly, Maybe I don't? But I make time because it helps me to destress and to feel accomplished when I finish something.
Now, working out is a new one for me. I've NEVER liked working out, running, anything like that! I loved to play sports but didn't like to work out for the sake of working out.  But now, I love it! It's my time to think and take care of me! I bring the kids to the child care there (Which is fantastic!) and I get a little break to run or take a class.  We don't plan on having another child for a couple years so I wanted to take this time to get myself in shape! I don't have any excuses. I'm not nursing anymore and I have a long enough amount of time to get all of my extra weight off, SO I'm committed and its become fun :) Who would have thought?!
Me in my size smaller jeans! Woo hoo! And dont mind the hair! I do it like this...

So I can get it like this and only take about 20 minutes to be ready! Gotta be fast when you're a mama of 3!
I feel like a lot of people say "Enjoy them while they're young" and other similar phrases and while I totally agree ( and try my best to enjoy all 3 of my babies), I think we, as women, need to take some time for ourselves as well.  We need to enjoy ourselves "while we're young" ;) And not feel bad about leaving the kids with the hubby or a babysitter. I know after I get some "me time," I am a much better mama.

 I feel like the trend right now is to be the perfect mother and the perfect housewife. I, by no means, am perfect.  And after experiencing what I've experienced through having the twins ( ITS HARD) some of the things people say really get to me.  Not in a way where I feel awful anymore but in a way where I want to make it known that we, as women and mothers, don't have to be perfect! We CAN be frustrated and angry and sad, even with our children.  That doesn't mean we don't love them.  I love my kiddos more than I ever knew I could but I don't always enjoy what they do! It does go by fast but that doesn't mean I'm going to miss the tantrums or crying for hours on end.  And I think one of the hardest parts of transitioning from just Michael to 3 little babies was feeling like I needed to enjoy my kids all of the time and feeling like I was inadequate because I was not enjoying rocking my colicky, screaming baby every night. That's just not real life.
Anyway, I love my minis and I try to be the best mama for them.

Sunday, November 18, 2012


One of the reasons I love Sundays is because we get to go to Church!
It's been a little more difficult since having the twins because my husband doesn't get to go right now due to work (He'll start back in January when his schedule changes!)
It is so fun to dress my boys like this!
And to get to dress myself up too :)
the main reason why Sundays are so great is because I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (aka Mormon).
I am SO grateful to have the knowledge that families can be together forever and that Jesus is the Christ, my Saviour, and my Redeemer.  I get to partake of the sacrament, remember my baptismal covenants and take heart in knowing that I can be forgiven through Jesus Christ, because as I've said before, I'm far from perfect.
Through the trial of having the twins early, and from a previous trial of not being able to get pregnant with Michael very easily, I have learned that the atonement was not just for repentance.  It is so that we can let go of our pain and have faith because Jesus suffered for us.  He felt ALL of the pain that we feel, he knows what we are feeling, even if it feels like no one does.  We are never alone when we trust in our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.  I am grateful for that knowledge and know that without it, I would be a very different person, in a very dark place.
 If you'd like to know more check out mormon.org

Saturday, November 17, 2012

Twins are 4 months!

My littlest bugs are 4 months old!
Time goes so fast!
They seem SO big to me now, even though they are still small for their age!
Colton is 10 lbs 1 oz and 23.5 inches long
Callan is 9 lbs 12 oz and 23 inches long
They are looking more and more alike! I have even gotten them mixed up, SO we paint one toenail on each baby, just in case! Colton is blue and Callan is green.
They are doing about the same developmentally so I'll just make one list of what they are doing!
At 4 months the twins are:
Rolling over from belly to back (Callan all of the time! hardly any tummy time for him!)
Smiling (especially during diaper changes!)
Laughing (especially at daddy)
Cooing and talking
Drinking about 4 oz at a time
Still on High calorie formula
Sleeping technically "through the night" because they consistently sleep at least 7 hours consecutively BUT they start at about 7 SO its not that great for me yet! (I've tried putting them to bed early..at least one of them ALWAYS wakes up at 2!)
Wearing size 1 diapers (and going through a billion a day!)
Grabbing toys and LOVING their play mat
They also love to look and smile at big brother :) Melts my heart
They are becoming so much more fun! Seeing the small interactions between them and Michael makes me so excited for the future :)
Happy 4 Months Colton and Callan!

Michael 18 month

Michael is 18 months old!
Can you believe it?
I can't.
He does and says so much now!
He has more words than I can keep track of and can climp up and go down the slide by himself at the park.
This is probably my favorite age so far! Even though we have a lot of "NOOO!" going on, we still have a lot of fun.
Some of Michael's favorite things right now are:
Yo gabba gabba (YO!! or wawa)
his elmo blanket and rockin' Elmo
Riding his 4 wheeler
poking his brothers
Saying "Colton and Callan"
Jumping and wrestling with Mommy and Daddy
Dancing- He wakes up every morning and points at the TV for Pandora or his CD player in the playroom and says "Dance?"
Counting before he does anything. His favorite to say is 5, 7, 8, go!
Reading books by himself
Singing while he swings out back, adorable to hear :)
Throwing balls for Ruger
Putting a ball on his Tee and hitting it off with his big bat
Chasing bubbles while saying "BUBBLES!!"
Hiking with daddy
Wearing anybodies shoes but his
and snuggling with mom, dad, and baby brothers on our bed while watching Lion King
Like I said, this is probably my favorite age! I can see him learning and connecting things that I didn't think he would realize for a long time.  He just amazes me!
Happy 18 months little Bug!

my time as a nicu parent

Our time in the NICU was relatively short compared to some, although maybe considered long to others.  It's all relative to each families personal experience. I said "our time in the nicu" because when you have a child (or two) in the nicu, you are in the nicu too.  It's an experience only understood by those who have been there, who have walked the halls, washed their hands and arms up to their elbows, and held their breath before looking inside the room that is their precious child's home.

For me, this experience was long, SO long. My babies were so small and one of the first times I was able to be wheeled down to the nicu they were hooked up to tubes and wires and had an IV sticking out of their heads. It was overwhelming to say the least. I was talking to a friend, asking for advice about her baby boy who is so big, healthy, and normal now and she related that not many people can understand that when you have a baby early or your baby is sick, you are in survival mode.  You aren't in the blissful state that most new moms are in, oohing and ahhing over a beautiful baby. You are constantly wondering if they're breathing, if they're eating, if their IV went in ok, and why the eff can't my milk come in faster.  There is no "recovery" period unless of course you are unconcious, then you don't have a choice, but (at least for me) as soon as I could feel my body again I was begging to go see my babies. It hurt more than anything I've ever felt to stand for the first time after my c-section, like ALL of my weight was being supported by my incision (or "wound" as the hospital called it) but I WOULD get myself to that wheel chair and I DID. And I wasn't a "normal" c-section recovery patient, I had pre-eclampsia, my blood pressure was high, I had head aches and there was fluid in my lungs.  I hear they like to make people get up soon after their surgery, they were begging to wait as long as possible, but I wouldn't, I couldn't, I had just had 2 babies and didn't feel like their mother yet. I needed to see them, to touch them because maybe then I would recognize and know them as my babies.  At that point I couldn't even remember what they looked like.  I had to keep looking at the pictures we took, that was how I knew my babies.

The first time being wheeled into the NICU, I had to show my mama bands, be let into a secure area and told the room number my babies were in. I was wheeled in and the nurse had to tell me who my sons were and which was baby A and baby B (I did get to tell them how to pronounce their names though, score 1 for them feeling like my babies). I also had to ask permission to touch my sons and told how to touch them correctly, even how to open their isolettes to be able to touch them.  There is a disconnect to being a parent that you (I) feel (felt) as a nicu mama and its difficult to deal with.  I became fixated on producing milk for my babies because that proved I was their mom (right) and I couldn't produce milk for 2 days I believe, which is normal and to be expected but it was SO frustrating. I needed to be able to produce milk to feel like I could do something to take care of my babies. Finally my milk came in and it was the most gratifying feeling at that time. Beautiful. I was so proud when I would fill up my freezer space for my two boys! I was finally their mom! There were other experiences that would make me feel like their mom, holding them for the first time, kangaroo care, and our first attempts at nursing.  Those were the many "ups" of the nicu.  People describe life in the nicu as a roller coaster and they are exactly right.  Our downs were not so deep as some and for that we are grateful but I'll never forget the breath I would take right before peeking inside the room doors to see if any equipment was removed or added to my boys.  There were days I would call ahead before coming in because I knew if they had regressed I would need to prepare myself so as to not cause a scene at their bedside, not that anyone would even bat an eye.  Tears, sobbing, big, ugly, red-faced, snorting cries, its all acceptable in the nicu. But really, that wasn't me. I wasn't a crier, in the nicu at least, I was a shownoemotionalwaysbepositivebutdontgetyourhopesup kind of person. Until one of my babies came home and I got my hopes up. so up. Then my other baby had a brady. That was a hold your baby, while staring at the carseat you brought in and silently cry kind of low. That was a letdown, and not the good breast milk kind, the hopes were up high kind. Bradys are scary. A brady means the baby's heart rate dropped too low. Sometimes a brady means without intervention, even as simple as a back rub, my baby's heart could have stopped altogether. Bradys suck.  So we went on a "spell count" no brady's for 5 days. Also, no high hopes for 5 days, I did not want to be crushed again. No carseat test until they made me on Day 4.  Then he was ready to come home I would have BOTH of my babies at home and as happy (excited, thrilled, elated, whichever word you think is most positive) as I was, I was also scared out of my mind!  My babies had been on monitors to make sure their hearts were beating and they were breathing since they were born and all of a sudden they were going to be cut off. All of the most awful what ifs came to mind. I won't name them, if you are a parent, I'm sure you've though of them before, but they seemed so real as nicu parent.  I had no happy oblivious "it won't happen to me" bubble.  It already did happen to me and I didn't want it to happen again. Anyway, obviously we made it.  We're home, adjusting, healthy and happy, but still learning how to be. just be.